From the Beginning

I have lived most of my life if not all as an obese person. I can remember getting weighed in kindergarten and being 91 lbs. I remember being made fun of for the first time on the first day of school by a kid named Matt. I had never heard the word "fatso" till that day and it hadn't yet occurred to me that I looked any different then the other kids.
I have always had alot of energy and I have always had a strong amount of determination. I will typically stick with something and really give it an honest try as long as I can see some results.
When I was in 4th grade, I remember working out on the monkey bars by doing pull ups/chin raises. Since we had a gymnastic/fitness test every year, I had began preparing knowing that in the past I had always fell short. I became determined and spent every recess practicing. I had alot of trouble running the mile but not this time and I didn't even come in last. But yet, kids still made fun of me and called me fat. I couldn't believe it. After I had worked so hard to be an equal I still hadn't lost enough weight or been physically fit enough for their standards.
Now, of course, since I had worked so hard at getting strong when I stopped it made my arms too fat and now my arms were larger then ever and in a word hideous. I was embarrassed to wear short sleeves. I tried yet again in high school to lose weight. I joined a dance class. I was barely eating 1 meal  a day yet still couldn't lose enough weight to be included in the dance program for more than 10 seconds that was to go on stage. I couldn't believe they had us learn the whole routine just to only allow some of the kids to be in the show with the actual routine. This dance company was hosted by the school not an actual dance class outside the school. I got depressed and ended up getting pregnant and dropping out of school.
Years later when I was 25, I decided even though I was fat that I still had enough energy to move around and dance in my own living room. So then I began first with dance videos and then I tried Tae Bo. Believe it or not that was the trick for me. I did that for an hour a day and wrote my weight on my calendar and would mark an "x" anytime I did the workout which was normally 5 days a week. I lost weight fast and gained muscle again. It felt good to be strong again and I could move and dance for long periods of time. I began to feel good about my body again and went on a shopping spree. I was down to 283 pounds and while that may sound like a lot what I was before that was a big difference. I was so proud of of being under 300 pounds since I hadn't been that since high school.
Before I could lose anymore weight I got pregnant with my second child which ended up being a cesaerian so no more working out for awhile. I gained all the weight back and by the time I hit my thirties I developed muscle spasms and back pain. I went back to school to become an LPN. But after sitting at desks for a year my knee started having a great deal of pain along with my back. I tried Weight Watchers for a year. Starting at 386 pounds and ending at 352 pounds. It was just such a long time to lose the weight and so much time and money has went into it that I finally had to stop.
I attempted going back to tae bo but my body just doesn't move anymore without pain. My fiance has the same problem. He is in pain with his leg and back from being hit with a car when he was 13. So he has decided to do this with me. This time I am going to try Atkins. I have no other choice. I am in pain daily. I am on healthy and right now the benefits outweigh the risks. I will be starting along with John on January 1st 2013. Both of our weights will be documented and everything we consume will be recorded. I sent for the Atkins starter kit which was free and sent within 7 days. They also sent a booklet explaining how to count the carbs and what foods you should be focusing on.
This diet will be harder for me than for John since he loves meat and I am a big fan of bread and cereal. He is also nowhere near my weight. Also I want to note that it is not my intention to become thin as a rail or a supermodel. Rather I would be happy with being a size 14 maybe 16. That is my goal. I want to be able to ride all the adult rides at Universal Studios and Six Flags. I want to feel comfortable in an airplane without having to ask for an extender for my seatbelt. I want to sit in a chair without my fat hanging over the seat or it being too small for me. I want to be less than 283 pounds since I was already there before and I knew I felt good there. I don't want to lose my breasts and I still want at least some Butt left when I am done.
Most of all I want to be pain free. I am tired of the pain. I want to not have to drink in order to remember what it feels like to move around. Also my face is constantly breaking out and I believe it has something to do with my fat and being unhealthy. My normal diet is one of vegetables and grains but heavily on dairy. I love milk and anything made with milk. I only drink 1 percent. I eat granola bars and only eat wheat bread. In essence the damage I did to my body long ago I am still paying for. I rarely eat junk food unless it is a birthday or holiday. Since my activity is limited due to pain I am stuck in this body. Hopefully the next door I am about to open will be my way out.